FEELINGS-year 2008

wow............................
erm.................. so many things happen in just 1 second ...
year 2008 is a tough year for me .......
haizzzzzZZZZZZZZZ...........
i hate this year alot..........
BUT I APPRECIATE THIS YEAR ................
cause i learn alot and feels alot ......................
i think i will become mature after this year .......
cause past through many sad memories .............
and i learn from those sad memories .................

i just cant believe that i join soooooooooooo many curriculum this year .....
i cant believe i join two badan uniform ..........
although i am not a orchestra member ...........
but .... erm..... dunno how to say la ............

SAD

haizzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...................
am i still alive ?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what am i doing now ???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate myself ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i scare i really scare ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i scare same thing will happen again ~~~~
plsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss~
GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DUN WANT TO BE HURT ANYMORE ..
i am sooooooooooooo useless ......................
i always hurt people because of..................
my over think disease and weird thought
disease ............
oh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
arh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RECOVER FROM MY HEART SICK

THE PAIN OF MY SOUL

hahaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaa.........
WHY I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STUPID ?????
I ALWAYS FOOL BY PEOPLE ..........................................
I TRUSTED WHAT SHE HAD SAY ...................................
CAUSE SHE IS MY FRIEND ..............................................
IF I ALWAYS DIN TRUST HER .......................................
THEN WE STILL CAN CLASSIFIED AS FRIEND MEH ????
I LOVE HER SOOOOOOOOO MUCH ......... (FRIEND LOVE)
AND I TRUST HER SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH .....
THEN WHAT HAPPEN ??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA........
WHEN SHE TOLD ME THAT THING ....................................
THEN I SCARE SHE WILL HURT ............................................
THEN I SAID SOMETHING VERY RIDICULOUS ................
I JUST DUN WANT TO HURT HER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I THINK ABOUT HER FEELINGS BUT ...................................
DID SHE THINK ABOUT MY FEELINGS ?????????????!!!!!!!!!
THEN ........ WHAT HAPPEN ??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.......
I CARE ABOUT PEOPLE FEELINGS .........................
CAUSE I UNDERSTAND THE FEELINGS OF HURT ...............

TODAY BECAUSE OF THAT ............................................................
I BROKE MY PROMISE TO THE GOD ..........................................
I SWORE I WONT CRY AGAIN .......................................................
BUT NOW I HAD BROKE THE PROMISE ......................................
今 天 我。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
DUTY 时， 脑 在 一 边 发 呆， 眼 泪 一 边 泛 滥。。。
前 面 的 人 看 着 一 个 笨 的TRAFFIC 在 哭 。。。。。。。。。
连 几 个 还 没 放 学 的 人。。。。。。。。。。
我 都 让 她 们 檫 肩 而 过。。。。。。。。。。
辛 好 有 她 在。。。 把 她 们 给 档 主 了。。。
DUTY 后。。。 我 再 不 能 忍 下 去 了。。。。
双 脚 走 得 很 快 似 乎 不 想 见 到 她。。。。
老 天 爷 爷 也 好 像 是 被 感 动 了。。。。。
下 起 了 毛 毛 雨 来。。。。。。。。。。。
虽 然 那 么 小 的 雨 点。。。。。。。。。。
但 刺 得 我 的 心 好 痛 好 痛。。。。。。。。
脸 上 的 液 体 也 不 懂 得 是 泪 水 还 是 雨 水 了。。。。
只 知 到 心 很 痛 。。。。。。
本 来 以 为 我 的 心 病已 经 快 康 复 了。。。。。
但， 因 为 今 天 的 事。。。。。。。。。。。。
那 颗 心 又 恢 复 了 原 本 的 又 冷 又 黑 的 世 界 里。。。。
一 边 淋 着 雨 点。。。。 一 边 伤 心 地 呐 喊。。。。。。
我 的 心 真 的 真 的 碎 了 。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
碎 得 很 碎 很 碎 。。
我 死 了 真 的 真 的 死 了 ！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

THE FEELINGS OF MY HEART

MY ANSWER

after so many days .........................
i try to make myself 'COOL DOWN'.......
then ...... think about what all the band senior had told me ......
......... I FINALLY FOUND MY ANSWER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE .......
I WILL NEVER REGRET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WONT REGRET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i want to change SECTION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TO ALL THE BAND SENIOR THAT CARE ABOUT ME:
erm..... i really had think carefully about it ...........
i really wont regret ...................
plssssssssssssssss.............
give me the chance to change section ...............
give me a chance to make a new life in band............
no matter what happen in the future ................
I WONT REGRET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A NEW GUITAR

haha~~~~~!@#$%^&*()
my small dream finally become true........
GUESS WHAT ???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have a GUITAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh my god !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
really thanks my mom !!!!!!!!!!!

WAKAZKAZ

SAD

today............
a boring day............
nothing much to do ...........
in class......
i keep talking with shuen yee.........
then ......... remind me the past ......
then talk till i want cry ler.............
but hahahahahaha i manage to keep my tear ......
i din cry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahaahhaah .......................................
and i want to thank shuen yee ........
thank you for so eagerly to hear me ...........
i am more comfortable now................................
hahahahaah/////////////////
i love you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then .,...............................
haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
i was so CONFUSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ...........
i really sad when i heard that kind of word ...........
like a sharp knife tikam through my heart .....................
hurt till dunno how to describe ..........................
when i know that i really want to jump into the sea ...........
and die ....... then no more hurt anymore ............
i really hope i can die !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SIM TIA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY HEART SOUND

finally finally finally.........
exam finished ler....... then ............
i am sure my results will like ...... SHIT ......
and i have a lot of thing to say since i din post so many day.....
since that day ...... GRADUATION CEREMONY ............
i saw all band mates blog........
almost all about the graduation ceremony......
all was like so sad cause f5 are leaving ..........
i read their blog word by word ..................
and my heart.................................
broke piece by piece............
although f5 are leaving but they all have beautiful memory in this year with the f5......
all post happy and sad thing........
but .... only me ......... only me that only post sad thing............
cause i din have happy memory in this year band life..........
they all have happy memory in this year ...........
but only me that only have SUFFER and SADNESS..........
i have nothing to say about this year band life..........
only 1 word to describe........... SUFFER .............
looking all the picture they posted.................
all so happy in the picture................
smile .... laugh...... enjoy..............
busy capturing picture with the f5..................
and .. my heart........ BLEEDING ....................
am i a band member ????!!!!!!!!!!!
NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but....... all the way long in band.......
i did have a short happy memory........
when i was f1 ...........................................
except this .. i think i have nothing in band ler...........
just a rubbish performer......
got performance then go perform.............
no performance then practice practice practice...........
so far in this year .........
i was like never give out a true and happy SMILE .......
then.... december band training camp...........
i maybe change section ler......................
then..... many many many thing will happen ..........
haizzzzZZZZZZ ............
if thing change....... i really want to be a clarinetist once more......
but thing doesn't change easily .......
it will remain the same ............
i ....... sry ys and sc..............
i always think like that ...............
if i am not clarinetist when i was f1...........
then i will still need to suffer all this /?????????
..................................................................................
haizzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ........
i am nothing in band ...........................................
i hope to be a junior once more ........................
then i dont have suffer so many ....................
although i din have happy memory with the f5...
but i was sad too .....................
dunno why i just like more sim tia compare to ys and sc that year......
especially some one..........
haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....................

TO: YUEH SHYAN

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO
MY LOVELY SENIOR...
MRS.LIM YUEH SHYAN ...