i really don't understand you.

You really think too much. 

Really. 

原来我的关心成了你的忧伤。
纯粹的关心竟然会让你想得那么多。

Two years ago.
yeah. 
My friend misunderstood you.
She said she hated you.
And don't want to be friend with you.
And ask me don't want to be friend with you. 


i asked her why.
She said because you bluffed us.


i said: aiya, does it so important that L is death or not ?
She's alive now and we should be happy. Anyway, she's a good person and i like to be friend with her.
blah blah blah.
i tried to say whatever that's good about you.


Talking behind you ?
LOL 
Or else stand in front of you then talk whatever we want then hurt you ? 




I know i hurt you so deeply because the msg i sent it to you.
But, when i knew i was wrong.
i had tried very hard to apologize to you .
Think and think and think of the ways to say sorry to you. 
Tried to hold our friendship back.


But, 
there was no reply from you.
You said you don't know what to do.
You said you'd be more sad if losing me as a friend.
Now, what????
Do you know that is it so damn hard to stand between the yes and no.
Like stretching your body right and left all the times. 
That's why i want a yes or no from you .


That day you went to hospital.
i was so freaking worried about you.
Sent you a msg then waited for your reply.
But no.
I don't how will you think that time.
i thought you will think that i care about you just because i had hurt you. 
A sleepless night for me and finally i got your reply. 


i tried hard to hold back our friendship.
Ask you what i could do to make you better.
Apologized for a thousand times.
But,
you just keep hurting me with what you have wrote in your blog.
The truth is a fucking thousand times.
The msg u sent me .
it's always the opposite site from what you post in ur blog.
i send you msg.
you reply on your blog.
i send again.
u do the same.
WHY can't you reply me in msg form ????
WHY can't you tell me what you think through sending msg to me.
Why must you post it to the blog ??
and said how hurt and how hurt are you?
and let me read it and let me hurt ?
is it a way of revenge ?
LOL.
and i don't want to act silly to ask you why through messaging anymore.
It's just useless.
i posted it here today because i couldn't hold on my sadness any longer.
Everything has its limits, isn't.
Because i saw what you post again.
LOL. 


You keep asking me why i don't trust you.
I've already told you that trust is not a thing that could simply say.
It gains from the times and obstacles 2 persons been through.
If a person says she really really trust then she is bluffing you.
She can't say she don't trust you right.
It's just her thought.
Not from her heart.
Trust is not a thing that comes up one day or two. 




And days passed by, 
why not let the past  flow by the times ?
You always tell me to, isn't? 




What's done is done, what's said is said.


Are you trying to tell me that the friendship could not be rescue again??


If anything happens to you,
i will care about you no matters when it happens and how it happens .
I have tried anything to hold our friendship back, didn't I ? 
I know you're hurt.
But do you know that I'm hurt too? 

sigh,

there are too much misunderstandings between us.